Duck Dynasty – The Show That Got Away

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by Pat Archbold

After A&E fired Phil Robertson for saying what every good Christian should believe, social media has been abuzz.  One of the recurring themes has been puzzlement about why A&E would cut off its nose to spite its face.  Duck Dynasty is the franchise right now. Why would they risk destroying their own cash cow?

To understand the why, we have to go back to the beginning.  Duck Dynasty is not the show that they wanted, it is the show that got away from them. Image

It seems what the producers intended and what A&E envisioned with the show is much different than the show that they ended up with, but they didn’t do anything about it because it was so wildly popular and so wildly profitable.  But even with all the money, they have never really been comfortable with what happened.

This is what happened.  The whole idea of the show was to parade these nouveau riche Christian hillbillies around so that we could laugh at them. “Look at them,” we were supposed to say.  “Look how backward they are!  Look what they believe!  Can you believe they really live this way and believe this stuff?  See how they don’t fit in? HAHAHA”

When the producers saw the way the show was shaping up, different than they envisioned it, they tried to change course.  They tried to get the Robertson’s to tone down their Christianity, but to their eternal credit they refused.  They tried to add fake cussin’ to the show by inserting bleeps where no cussword was uttered.  At best, they wanted to make the Robertson’s look like crass buffoons. At worst they wanted them to look like hypocrites.

They desperately wanted us to laugh at the Robertsons.  Instead, we loved them.

A&E wanted us to point fingers at them and laugh at them.  But something else happened entirely.  Millions upon millions of people tuned in, not to laugh at them, but to laugh with them.

And then we pointed at them.  We pointed at them and said things like, “I wish my family was more like them.  I wish we prayed together as a family.  I wish we were together like the Robertsons.”

ImageBy the time this all happened, A&E had a conundrum.  They knew who the Robertsons were and what they believe and they still held it in disdain.  But they really liked the money.  Really liked the money. So they lived with it.

But the progressives whose bank accounts were not growing fatter because of these backward rubes were never inclined to look the other way.  They hate the show and they really hate the response to the show.  They want it destroyed.

Many magazines and interviewers have tried to get the Robertsons to trip up so they could pounce.  When Phil backed the Christian viewpoint on homosexuality and added some personal asides about how he just couldn’t understand it, they had their moment.

I suspect that the folks at A&E, who always disliked the positive Christian message in the show of which Phil is the primary proponent, saw their chance.  They want to keep the cash but dial down the Christianity.  With Phil out, perhaps they could get the show they always wanted. Image

I suspect that the Robertsons are more principled than that and A&E will end up disappointed on many levels.  The Roberstons are who they are and I suspect the money means a great deal more to A&E than it does to them.

It will be interesting to see whether A&E likes the money more than they hate the Christianity.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the hate wins.

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You might be in a Texas Country Church if…

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1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call to Worship is “Ya’ll come on in!”
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to take up the offering”, and five men stand up.
5. The restrooms are outside.
6. Opening day of deer or quail hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because,
“I ain’t ever been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of.”
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of “two calves.”cowboysunset
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody’s smiling.
11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
12. A singing group is known as the “OK Chorale.”
13. The church directory doesn’t have last names.
14. The pastor wears boots.
15. Four generations of one family sits together in worship every Sunday.
16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer, and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
17. There is no such thing as a “secret” sin.
18. Baptism is referred to as “branding.” _3Full-immersionbaptismincowtroughCowboyChurch2008IMG_2054
19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
20. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
21. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health.
22. High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.
23. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
24. People think “Rapture” is what happens when you lift something too heavy.
25. The cemetery is in such barren ground that people are buried with a sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day.
26. It’s not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
27. The final words of the benediction are “Ya’ll come on back now, ya’ hear?

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Why We Shoot Deer In The Wild (As Opposed to Roping)

Why we shoot deer in the wild: (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well, and actually tried this)
         I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.  The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.  I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
        I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.  They were not having any of it.  After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them.  I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.  The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.
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       The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away.  I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education.  The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.  The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.  A deer– no Chance.  That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.  There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.  As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.  The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up.  It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison.  I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.
 deer_attack_area     I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer.  At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.  Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn’t want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute.  I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
      Did you know that deer bite?  They do!  I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ….. I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.  Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go.  A deer bites you and shakes its head–almost like a pit bull.  They bite HARD and it hurts.
     The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly.  I tried screaming and shaking instead.  My method was ineffective.
     It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.  I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.11523252.gif
     Deer will strike at you with their front feet.  They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp… I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse –strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.  This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
    This was not a horse.  This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work.  In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.  I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
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     Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave.  I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed.  What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
     I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.  So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope……to sort of even the odds!!
    All these events are true so help me God… An Educated Farmer.

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The Voters “can go to hell and I will go to Texas.” David Crockett

by Julia Robb
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David Crockett

Don’t call him Davy.

David’s political enemies called him “Davy” to make him seem boyish.

They never convinced anybody.

Dying at the Alamo was just the final scene in David’s dramatic and impressive life.

David Crockett was six-foot and handsome, an expert shot with his rifles (he always named them “Betsey”), a three-term U.S. congressman and an American folk hero who wrote a popular memoir titled A Narrative of the Life of David Crockett, of the State of Tennessee.Davy-Crockett1358814911_image_1024w

He grew up in the wilderness, could hit a target at two hundred yards and specialized in hunting bear.

He also fought in the Creek War, serving with the Tennessee Mounted Volunteer Riflemen, and served in the War of 1812.

Because the military failed to provide supplies, David did tend to drift in and out of the ranks while searching for food.

“It was root hog or die,” Crockett said in his autobiography.

Best of all, David was a “truly honest man,” according to biographer William C. Davis, in Three Roads to the Alamo: The Lives of David Crockett, James Bowie and William Barret Travis.

“..there was no true guile in the man. He was exactly as he seemed: He said what he thought and meant what he said,” Davis wrote, later adding, “His conscious demanded he stand for right.”

Crockett himself repeatedly wrote, and said, “Be always sure you’re right–THEN GO AHEAD.”

Although he did exaggerate his backwoods style for the voters, Davis said Crockett “projected a basic and genuine gentility,” and “good cheer.”

Like many other American heroes, David came from a humble background.

He was descended from a Scot family who immigrated to America in the early eighteenth century and settled on the frontier, in what was then North Carolina.220px-David_Crockett

In 1778, David’s grandparents paid for living on the frontier when a Creek, or Chickamauga, war party attacked their farm, killing them, wounding one son and kidnapping another.

Joseph Crockett, David’s father, (who fought in the American revolution) escaped the Indian attack because he was already married and living on his own.

David was born August 17, 1786, in his father’s log cabin, but ran away when he was thirteen and spent years taking care of himself.

That didn’t leave much time for school.

But David was always ambitious and when he returned home, he made a bargain with a local schoolmaster. The teacher would give him reading and writing lessons in return for David’s work.

The arrangement was a success, although Crockett was never a good speller.

When he was twenty, David married Polly Finley and they began farming.

However, the couple was forced to keep moving west because David was both restless and a poor farmer. He had to hunt to feed his family and lost several properties to tax delinquency and debt.

During these endless moves, the couple had three children.

They weren’t destined for happiness. Polly died and it broke David’s heart.

Polly’s death was “The hardest trial which ever falls to the lot of man,” David said in his memoir.

His children would either have to be farmed out to relatives or he would be forced to marry again, David wrote, so he proposed to a widow, Elizabeth Patton.

The couple was not happy and eventually separated.

But, Crockett was good at something other than farming.

Getting along with people was easy for him. They found him charming.

When he was living at the head of Shoal Creek, three miles west of Lawrenceburg, Tennessee, his fellow citizens nominated David for Justice of the Peace and the state legislature approved their choice.

After that, he was elected to local offices, then to the state legislature.

Both in the state legislature and U.S. Congress, David proposed laws to help his fellow frontiersmen, especially laws designed to help them obtain ownership of land on which they settled and improved.

A week after taking office in the state legislature, Crockett cast his first vote to relieve heavy penalties on people owing overdue property taxes.

This issue was one with which David could personally sympathize.

Reforming land grant law was another pet issue. He believed a few men were monopolizing the best property.

Crockett did not work well with other legislators. He made “Independence his personal religion, recklessly unmindful that religions have a way of creating martyrs,” Davis wrote.

But by the time Crockett ran for Congress, something new was happening in American culture.

People no longer identified with the founding fathers and wanted to see themselves in a different kind of man; a Western man, a frontiersman, a self-made man.

David Crockett was that man.

First they began calling him one of the “Lions of the West,” then they identified him with the character who trod the stage in “The Lion of the West; or, A Trip to Washington.”

After that, he was the celebrity of the age. David couldn’t go anywhere without being asked for his autograph. A book was written about him, he was invited to speak, he toured the East Coast and was toasted in every town.

Uninvited visitors showed up at his Washington hotel room and he showed them what they expected to see; the frontiersman who could whip his weight in wildcats and ride alligators.

“Well!–they came to see a bar (bear), and they’ve seen one–hope they like the performance–it did not cost them anything any how,” David told a friend, after one such visit.DavyCrockettBarHunter_0

An aspiring author wrote a book about Crockett, but it was so inaccurate that he decided to write his own book to set the record straight (and make some desperately-needed money).

That’s when David wrote his Narrative, which was the most popular book of the time.

After that, however, Crockett’s life went downhill.

His constant attacks on Andrew Jackson wore thin. David called him “King Andrew.” And he just got tired. He was never cut out for politics.

Then Jackson went after him in the 1835 Congressional election, supported an opponent against him, and David lost by 252 votes.

That’s when David said to hell with the voters, he was going to Texas.

He took his rifle, his fiddle and a few friends, and headed west.

According to one letter writer, when David stopped in Texas towns, people sensed he would not be seen again.

Crockett was himself prophetic in a letter he wrote to his daughter, “Do not be uneasy about me I am with my friends,” he wrote.

“I am rejoiced at my fate.”

 

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Click below to purchase one of Julia Robb’s page-turning historical Texas novels:

Julia Robb is the author of Scalp Mountain and Saint of the Burning Heart, eBooks for sale at amazon.com. She can be reached at juliarobb.com, juliarobbmar@aol.com, venturegalleries.com, goodreads, pinterest, twitter, Facebook, iamatexan.com and amazon author pages.

 

 

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Silly Laws in Texas

Laws that probably should never have been written, or should have come off the books a long time ago!

  • When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. two_trains_at_lavon
  • A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
  • You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
  • It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
  • It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
  • It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
  • A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
  • It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

    Abilene

  • It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.

    Austin

  • Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.

    Beaumont

  • Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.

    Borger

  • It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.

    Clarendon

  • It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster. article-new_ehow_images_a08_1h_k2_make-dust-cling-feather-duster-800x800

    Dallas

  • It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos.

    El Paso

  • Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.”

    Houston

  • Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
  • It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.

    Galveston

  • It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.

    Jasper

  • Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.

    LeFors

  • It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.

    Lubbock County

  • It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream.

    Mesquite

  • It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Unusual%20Haircuts-7

    Port Arthur

  • Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.

    Richardson

  • It is now illegal to place a “for sale” sign on a car if it visible from the street.
  • It is illegal to do “U Turns”.

    San Antonio

  • It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
  • It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.

    Temple

  • No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square.
  • You can ride your horse in the saloon.
  • Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.

    Texarkana

  • Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.

Horse-butt-with-tail-lights

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Some Things You Just Can’t Explain

Author Unknown

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A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” lonely-man-at-bar

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So what happened that’s so horrible?”

Farmer: “Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”

Man: “Ok, but that’s not so bad.”

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So what happened then?”

Farmer: “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”

Man: “And then?”

Farmer: “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”

Man: “Again?”

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.” 681x454

Man: “So, what did you do then?”

Farmer: “I took her right leg this time, and tied it to the post on the right.”

Man: “And then?”

Farmer: “Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, when the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

Man: “Hmmm . . . “

Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.”

Man: “So, then what did you do?”

Farmer: “Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.”

 

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Jack Hays and The Wild Texas Rangers

by Julia Robb

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In 1840, Texas Ranger Captain Jack Hays and twenty of his men tracked down two hundred Comanches herding stolen horses.37-Jack-Hays

Hays said, “Yonder are the Indians, boys, and yonder are our horses. The Indians are pretty strong. But we can whip them. What do you say?”

The Rangers charged, killed the Comanche leader and the rest of the warriors ran.

That’s a typical Ranger story.

The nineteenth century Texas Rangers were special to Texas and there’s a reason.

The Rangers were quick-shooting, hard-drinking, brutal, aggressive men, “just this side of brigands and desperados,” who fought a “war to the knife,” according to S.C. Gwynne, author of Empire of the Summer Moon.

In other words, they were just what Texas needed when the Comanche, Kiowa and Kickapoo were besieging us on every side.

The Rangers were also self-sacrificing.

Not only did they fight the tribes, they also fought Mexican soldiers (in two different wars), Mexican bandits and Anglo outlaws, while having to supply their own food, weapons, equipment and horses.

Rangers carried one rifle, two pistols, a knife and one blanket.

In time, Texas paid each ranger $30 per month.

Rangers also slept fully clothed in case they were forced to jump from their bedrolls and fight.

Texans organized the Rangers in 1835, and the new military waged all-out war against the tribes, especially during the 1839 Cherokee War in East Texas, the Council House Fight in San Antonio, in March 1840, and the (victorious) Battle of Plum Creek, against 1,000 Comanche warriors, in August 1840.

By 1841, the Rangers had undermined, if not broken, the tribes’ power. Comanches were still a threat, but the frontier was advancing west.

Things changed in 1861.

So many men left Texas during the Civil War, to fight for the Confederacy (including the Rangers), the tribes again ruled the plains.

Wilderness reclaimed whole parts of Texas because the Comanche had either killed the settlers or used fear and fire to push them out.

And the reconstruction government (1865-1870), did not allow the Rangers to operate, instead forcing a state police force down Texas’ throats.

State police were not effective against Comanche, and were highly unpopular–they were renowned for killing suspects without benefit of trial, particularly when those suspects were former Confederates.

By 1874, Texans were desperate for help against the Comanche and legislators again funded the Rangers.

Good move. The “Frontier Battalion,” about 450 men, fought in fifteen Indian battles.

After U.S. Fourth Cavalry Commander Ranald Mackenzie and his troopers, and the Rangers, were through with the Comanche, the tribe agreed to remain on the Fort Sill, Oklahoma, reservation.

The Rangers also “thinned out” more than 3,000 Texas desperados, including bank robber Sam Bass and gunfighter John Wesley Hardin.

Rangers were also ordered to end several frontier feuds–which they did.

The Rangers have occasionally committed wrongs, as organizations are full of imperfect human beings.

Accusers have charged the Rangers with racial prejudice; of not always giving Hispanics and African-Americans the benefit of the doubt.

That probably happened.

A folk song originating in South Texas tells the story of Gregorio Cortez Lira, who killed a Texas sheriff.

The sheriff had it coming and Gregorio was brave, the song says, adding “Don’t run, you cowardly rangers, from just one Mexican.”

The history of the world is bathed in blood and injustice, and organizations usually mirror culture.

But the Rangers came through for Texas when Texas needed them, and I, for one, am grateful.

JackHaysStatueSanMarcosTX211JRJack Hays’ Statue in San Marcos

 

Click below to purchase one of Julia Robb’s page-turning historical Texas novels:

Julia Robb is the author of Scalp Mountain and Saint of the Burning Heart, eBooks for sale at amazon.com. She can be reached at juliarobb.com, juliarobbmar@aol.com, venturegalleries.com, goodreads, pinterest, twitter, Facebook, iamatexan.com and amazon author pages.

 

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